Do we yet volunteer to own, let go both of us, oh Lord, you never have! We are together–that’s Thy wish–your desire for our great love to LEAVE us alone for each to each. Yes beauty in Thy word, and each is singular, leaving us alone in any decision we might have which in no way damages our own resilience and as always accepted and with credit and understanding. So is this something my God must teach me over and over, that I can reach down to my soul, what oh Jundo, let us believe, see Zen has nothing to do with the two of us! Christ has everything to do with us, me being grateful for Letting my daughter make her own decisions, baptism not entered into lightly. So, Daughter, may you decide again later.
Oh Lord I pray again, let her recognize your great Gift, your body broken in another, your bones the flesh, your blood, the Blood of all, so Lord I pray for her. Make straight the crooked path to food, whimsy of flesh, or Your Flesh. Let her recognize my need of her, that one more time I pray for her. Her ice cream cake, a revelation of her needs, her laughter coming true. And, I live for Thee oh Lord, just as I am and just for Thee, I come. Today she takes me to an old friend, unto Thee we sit and think back to days I left no mark but hate on the land, on Thy Land, and you opened my eyes, here and to say You are my God, King of all days, All for Thy sake I come forth, All together worthy, how much did it cost, in my life, to see myself upon that cross, to bow down, Thine be done, here I am to worship, and I am unworthy oh Lord, all together unworthy become worthy through Your Blood. Blessed assurance Jesus, Jesus is mine born of His Spirit, praising Him all the day long, lost in His Love, this is my story, this is my song, praising my Savior all the day long, This is my story, praising my Savior, for what He did for me His complete gift, His Body broken for me, His Blood spilled forth for ALL, this world to know; This for Charles, this for Thy complete acceptance!
So long away I’ve slept
Another day, unwilling
Setting into motion,
No springtime bud
Oh thing unwound as
From clocks chimming
In churches, bells of steples
Brought down to avoid
Fire into sanctuaries built
Below poetry, scripture
Psalms, unwritten from King
David, unto another King
Condemned for nothing
But to preach, heal, wonderment
Eternal Love, I return again
To my Poetry, my safety, never
Casting me about, never asking
More than I can give, waiting
As a daughter, Love eternal
Oh Jesus, save us all as you
Have promised in John’s Book,
No Negativity, acceptance of all.
Charles Taylor, C 3-31-2018
I’ve had worse–this Christianity is not new, and as I was a member, and even a committed member, how do you like that Word?, of First United Methodist, I left in a huff over my first book, not Christian enough for their Library. Hence, I knew that I had to write a second book, maintaining my Christianity in spite of all, and no all this is not new; concern for family is never new, and me hedging my bets with God so that I can say, “They believe!” Well, my wife who I understand and love with no hesitation, has made it clear. She wants no part of my renewed zeal, and that Christ has no part in her life. We have come to a truce; I will never again mention any kind of work about house, yard, grocery shopping, etc. etc. etc. AND never again will she attack any beliefs I might hold: Christian, Buddhist, Taoist, Scientific (we have no problem here). Technically, the HOUSE, etc is hers. She bought and paid for it all, and in my will, I leave it all to her, if I leave after, Laurel daughter gets it all. This is ALL spelled out in my will, and as of now, she leaves the house etc. up to the state. I am technically taken care of in other ways!
So, arrangements, note the passive voice, have been made for both of us. Meanwhile, I fret about her, Laurel in my own mind, and That’s the way it will remain–in my own heart and mind.
So, for me it’s Easter weekend, and I do Love Jesus, no different than before I was a Lutheran a decade ago, an uneasy Lutheran though my first book is in the First Lutheran Library in Sioux Falls, and both books, though I AM relatively sure they have been removed after I discontinued my memberships with Unitarian Universalist, were in All Souls Sioux Falls Church Library. BOTH BOOKS are in the Grinnell College Library, and both books are in the Platte Campus, Central Community College, Library, and of All of this I am sure! FOR JESUS, I am finally the Christian I always wanted, and I practice meditation, as I am allowed in Treeleaf online Zendo.
My Pastor, Jan Gross, Hartford United Methodist, has bought and read the second book, and he says he likes it. I know it is a very good book. I know, because of royalty checks, Meditations on Gratitude by Charles E Taylor, photos, and 55 poem sequence, has sold more than Winter from Spring, containing my CSU MFA thesis, photos, and more than 45 poems extra, by Charles Taylor. Both books remain available through Barnes and Noble, and Amazon. This means that they are indefinitely available. Bill Tremblay, and Mark Sanderson, Prof. Emeritus CSU, Unitarian Universalist Member M Div, both endorsed my book, Meditations on Gratitude, and Bill Hotchkiss, Ph D English, endorsed ane wrote a lengthy poetic analysis, introduction, of the first book Winter from Spring. Okay, Charles, it’s time to let it all rest. Books and Family, however they are, are what they are. Let it rest.
Yes, I felt the time with my Savior–“Jesus, I was with you tonight, the nails in my neck, my shoulders in the weight of the sagging flesh, hanging on my tortured flesh, through my forehead a ten penny nail. Yes Jesus, I have chronic pain. I have put it this way to friends, ‘Either I would that You heal me, or I will become an example unto Your Glory.’ So, I live each day, waiting fore the wall of white pain to hit my eyes, my chest, my back, and I have learned to say nothing. Tonight with the play, that fulfillment of emotion for Your blame and betrayal–washing Your followers feet, their petty squabbles, this painting with four groups of three, ah the painter’s portrait with You looking straight at me as though I am the false one, oh Jesus what would I do for you, as tears well, then do not fall, not enough of those hot tears to make a difference because Jesus, I have learned pain tolerance and to withhold the burning coals in my face, and my dear Savior now they come because I am ashamed, I am ashamed as I too might argue my innocence, then I feel again the nail through my forehead! Yes Jesus will make me an example of Love, His Divine Love; yes divine love, His Love, his love. So, which is it divine love, or Divine Love as I feel the tingle of pain precursor–oh will I be an example of Love with the arthritis of my spine flaring slowly, for His Glory I go on, H is preview of chronic pain, oh I can do it for Him, the Pain Tolerance with pain I have endured for is it five, six years? One looses count of the years because pain levels sometimes soar out of control, the ten penny nail through my neck, my face, my head, out the back, into my soft bone, flesh, muscle, the silent invisible blood oozing out the back of my head; then I think of Him this afternoon with body, the entire body sagging on those nails where He cannot breath, one labored cup of air escaping lungs invisible but this pain far surpassing my pain as His Body fights for each breath, as the blood trickles out of hands and feet, as ribs show through His chest and His torso, as He cannot breathe, His invisible Blood, finally the entrance into whisper of, “Father, why hast Thou forsaken Me?” The Pain coming like torrent like the pain I felt this evening; but was it? Was my pain anything like the torture He felt wit no breath, one blood soaked breath finally coming out like a trickle of air, and out of his dry, parched mouth, crusts of vinegar and saliva in His speech, “It is finished.” I feel a few tears in my eyes, just a few, not the empty gut, full nose, my bent septum preventing my air, I am hollow and indifferent with my teeth clinched. I end my lackluster words, waiting for only promises, the middle way, swayed not to the right of left, I am alone in my indifference and I listen to amazing Love sound through me head, He is dead until my realization, until I can push aside my own body and see Him.
My dad is afraid of pain, and he calls for reassurances that death will not hurt, and I do not think it will hurt, the actual death. I think people associate death with problems leading up to death. I can understand not wanting to hurt, and especially not hurting drastically because It’s been my experience with the actual moment of death, I will exhale once or twice then I’ll be gone, so just let me know any awareness of your own death. Marjorie and I will be on a plane at once to be with you at the end because I love you, Laurel loves you, and Marjorie loves you. We want to be with you! Love, Chuck!
See it is with Love of Mary and Joseph for this Baby with no real dad, and the Baby grew yes, up to teach at the Temple at age 12, teach about Eternal Love, and all the 12-Year-Old was trying to do was teach us that Love is possible, and now that dad in coming close to 87, my brother is joining in the family, see, even for Doug and me there is, always has been an Eternal Plan, and dad can never remember the good that was in those first Christmases every one of us, for Love is an individual sacrifice, AND NOW dad’s saying it on his own to others, “Love you too.” This is the miracle of Love that 11-year-old boy standing out near that willow tree and saying, “Someday I too will be in California!” And the miracle of mom who just wouldn’t quit because of belief in Christmas and, as she grew older, she came to recognize that it was Easter and Eternal Love in full sacrifice, and now I recognize the validity of men who offer themselves never expecting sex, but true love without expectation which my dad is learning after the fact and if I can I will explain that after death relationships are not recognized, but Eternal Love, and there and that’s where Paul had it right, Eternal Sacrifice, that’s eternally what lives after, only Love, and sometimes making family always Giving of Love with sacrifice of self with no expectation and that’s Dorothy Hoffman and Lenard Taylor had to learn apart from each other. Finally as Doug and Chuck began to realize that in their own lives, in the lives of children, Laurel, Hudson, and Ian, daughter, son, grandson, great nephew, the relationships holding, this Eternal Love based in our Lord, and this is because we live in the US; others learn Eternal Compassion which some Westerners are also Learning, and some learn Eternal Balance, and some learn Eternal Equality–call it what you will, Love.