Days with Mom and Daughter

So, my old friends can decide what is good for me and such as I am, I will not listen. I am a big man and women are my friends. Most men can’t say this, but I can. I have always had a loving and caring man inside–now outside, because I have been just like my dad: uncontroling with my wife when she would let me. I have loved and cared for our daughter, a brilliant women BA, MFA ,Ph.D. candidat, and if she makes anything, she is who she is today and I told today, and we love her unconditionally without reserve, bad or good every day or night; yes, through it was a phone call, how could I be a different man; How could I be different with daughter than her mom? I could not change because l love then  both, she is beautiful no matter what–worth she thinks is worth, more than 29-year-old hair, more than a woman so beautiful; yes a woman becaus she’s like mom. They could be sisters; mom and daughter never again will she forget that her dad and her mom with love with that call–now she knows. She will always remembers it starts with originals, dad and mom, or mom and dad. This is where it is; behind mom and dad, no matter genders girl or boy, 29-years, 63-years like mom, or 67-years like me–or 88-years like my dad. I knew they were women. There was no misunderstanding–I made mistakes, but now, I think, because I said it, she knows just how much.  As she listened, and granddaughter is about grandpa, and our own explanations of thos 60 years ago. Now daughter and I are both concerned about grandpa’s dirty, cluttered house, that just maybe he doesn’t even realize about the adult child’s role. When I turn into an 88-year-old dad, I want someone to say we have made it! My wife has BA, MA incredible honors like her daughter. And, I want someone to take care of me, so I can free myself at age-88. My dad at 88 me at 67; finaly we have family explanations, and dad knows about children and divorce. I know when a dollar was a dollar. When $25 seemed like $100, so dad was honest as the judge let him finish college BS at age 34, on to MA, science, technology, and education at Cal Poly, industrial technology. I’m proud of my dad, and and like my daughter to me I am proud of his accomplishments. I have worked very hard–even with these blogs, BA, MA, Ed.S. M.F.A. for me. I know it’s always children climbing from our shoulders, not from our boot straps, and I must let my dad know! As an adult in college, I wanted to be just like him, even to the type of work teaching in a college. I am married 36 years, like him, and my step-mom, and my mom and step-dad made almost 20 years before my mom died. I didn’t get to be an adult child with her because of breast cancer. I have visited her grave, but she’s gone. Not dad; he has spent 40 years makeing it up to me, now! That’s enough, no more whipping homself. He doesn’t have to do a thing because I’ve always loved him. Now, when he needs me, I love him even more.0012

Published by elgwyn

I was a University and college writing teacher, now retired, so I write poetry, and essays, mostly free verse poetry. I love writing. Computers, tablets, and smart phones are the norm. When one sees university campuses with students looking at phones while walking to class, one realizes writing can be blogging. I am an ordinary man writing for artistic pleasure writing, and simple taste-- blogs are an answer to high priced self-publishing. Walt Whitman had to print his paper books himself, because in 1855, and 1860 poetry did not sell. It does not sell now unless you have a Pulitzer Prize and even then the poet usually makes a living in other ways than writing. In all ages there have been writers writing out of their own needs, and blogs are an answer to get rid of high cost of self creativity. I am an older man with fewer computer skills than my daughter who has been at computers since she was three, so here I can satisfy my need to write without spending too much on self-published books. All three blogs let me reach an audience missed by books and stand a better chance to reach a wider audience. My two books, Winter from Spring, Meditations on Gratitude, as Kindle books and paperbacks did not reach as many people as I wanted, and blogs can let me avoid the printer. Layout and design is expensive. For me writing is more like the charcoal jottings of preexisting civilization made only for posterity. Blogs face two problems as I see it. They might be submerged into a chaos of too much writing, and they depend on electronic storage. Yet, how's that different from electronic books which must have specialized publication? Paper disintegrates, blogs can be physically stored and organized for posterity in data banks. All organization becomes chaos at some point, but charcoal images on cave walls still exist after the author scribbled eons ago. So what if I reach only a few interested people, but hopefully, readers will reach out to me. Writing is essential for showing the ways of culture before history knows those ways. To record each individual is essential especial for billions of people who need to know enough reading beyond pictures to save a planet. Writing without profit isn't new to me. I'm not seeking to impress the audience. Poetry in general never sells, and personal confessional, and emotional writing exists sometimes like journal writings only for the author. At least here is my hope for wider audiences. My writing is personal and informal, but my writing expresses some serious ideas like the writing of contemporary writers to rise above chaos in my own simple way, above self-absorption, a meditation, the simple writing of an ordinary man. I hope to find my own way out of my own chaos and make my record stand alone if even in electrons. Though I hope never to express nightmare in my poetry, fiction, or essays, some serious considerations are important to me after centuries of mechanized nightmare. The next decade is probably of the same failure in our world. This decade looks to be another time of diminished individuals and the next as well. We all wish peace and hope will become normal. It looks like if hope reaches each individual, not governments there is satisfaction in making means of writing available to many. My hope is for each human being to give their own expression out of the abyss. If humankind is to survive in any common way, we must each be able to express maturity and take responsibility in something beyond self. Electronic media offers people these possibilities so long as computers can store individual lives. Here people can freely see what I write and what others write. Though I hold an MFA in creative writing my simple vision never found a wide audience. I was disappointed about this earlier in my life, but now it's just what one expects of such degrees. I found happiness in family and especially in love of my wife and daughter. Writing can be more than a pastime now that I'm older. I approach seven decades living with some disappointing times, and some satisfying times. I'm like most people, and I've been married more than 37 years, and we sent a successful daughter into the world. We happily live in a country where even the poorest have food. Often as a young man when I traveled for nearly one year through Europe, where does a culture begin to feed and house so many people, and how do all these people live in harmony since World War II? Maybe it's been a question of survival. Writers can hold a little corner with blogging, blogging for harmony and peace. This is my hope. This is my question.

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