Understand me; I do not proselytize. I sit quietly
In clutter, dad’s possessions of 60 years lie
Between my pacemaker and his bedroom, he’s up;
I’m talking about doctors about emergency rooms,
Hearing aids freedom from fearful bodily limits,
He’s 88, I’m talking about friends, enough food,
Safety, lost phone, his driving when mostly he talks
Of another statewide decision, he hates politicians, taxes
He says “You can stay up fusing all night and day,
But I’m going back to bed.” I sigh, he might sleep,
Listen to all-night talk shows on his radio next to bed,
Remember TV ads, for this pillow I might use for my
Arthritic neck. I worry about this need of hearing aid
Whether to buy one, we’ve talked about it many times before,
Better hearing which brings better driving, I’m 67,
I don’t drive could have killed. He might not listen as I speak-up.
I ask is he healthy with body changing, I say can’t last forever.
I have two total knees, so does he. In May he fell, didn’t even
Tell me how bad; he pulled himself into bed, into dark
Morning, finally called friends after his admission, I called him,
No answer, nothing from phone. He drove himself to emergency
Room. Surgery dangerous repairs, bleeding into spine, sewed
Bloody nerves, sewed broken vessels, weak in hospital; what if
Smashed himself up in his SUV, says he loves his car, except
For his Dodge pickup largest ever one-ton diesel his horsepower
Sits in corner drive. Now he’s sleeping, not hearing me
Typing my poem of concern, love and forgiveness,
My epitaph for oil-rig-man, high school teacher into more
With tenured electronics, math instructor all over Sierra College
Me writing, teaching English, American literature, grammar,
Even technical writing, my job to document this greatness
After years of my therapy, my dad fading into Colfax, California,
Taught Students how to learn, even me college algebra.
He matters, success for 28 years, tenured both
Institutions, could never leave because Marilyn
Is deep into Sierra earth, headstone room for him, can
His resilience, perhaps thinking of her, into past loving memories?
My understanding for my dad’s love for my step-mom,
My mother forgotten? My brother calls for rough instructions,
Dad needs his sons both of us Doug from Des Moines,
Me near Sioux Falls with memories of Pacific waters,
Three and seven years old he left us from Coastal Range,
To tallest California mountains Sierra Nevada 14,000 feet
Donner Pass, treacherous Lake Tahoe snow, Reno into deep
Valley. He’s at 2,500 feet, put chains on; he’s father, grandfather
Finley great grandfather to child he might never see;
I will come back to salvage, watch as others clean out belongings
When they make his hillside home someday Ready for sale,
Dad, as husband, believer in greatness of God as I do,
I can’t think as tears Come to take over, I know him,
I pray, “Oh, God be with us!” I’m not extractor, he
Achieved friends industrial technology, their expectations
More than me. His Ojai grammar school teachers–he
showed them, rough childhood working for Ray Bower
Just like me at 11 with my paper rout, his math in high
School escaped me, even so what they expected
In is schooling almost lost to Ventura oil fields, catwalks quit
For Cal Poly because union transferred him to driller at age
Nineteen when he was almost killed by drunk roustabout,
Great entrance exams at Cal Poly College his BA, MA,
Students who will never forget, I defend mother; she believed
In me, I lived with dad, returned to mom broken much later.
For dad Bill Fisher’s astronomy now gone, as TA his approach
To calculus performed in Mountains where he fished,
His home rebuilt with huge redwood deck; gone
I finished four degrees later to be just like him.
We are friends. Jack Moore moved to Oregon forests,
Friends have died, so many in technical departments,
Still math and science, physics, economics of US failure,
Philosophy of teaching, thirty years past, those stories practical,
The invisible in his hands, he’s great with tools, ciphering
On yellow pads, slow movement to computing, still helping
His neighbors, artificial intelligence he will never trust just
Turn off electricity human power to control, his ham rigs
At 88 learning about social networks not so important
Recovering his passwords for laptop. Will never trust
Democrats, my real wiring of his soldering guns, vacuum tubes,
Changing so fast who can keep-up, only printed circuits
I help him be careful of charges for some items, can’t read
Poetry without suffering, I feel sorrow for my parents, so helpless
Mom never saw purchased desktop computers as they
Became obsolete, complete until dad seldom used it
New laptop, he prefers Windows 8.1 days empty
Just box except for e-mail, games he always wins
Of solitaire, I’ll teach him a few tricks he’ll open
Computer apps, yet, how much longer this man waits?
I’ve followed him as I could in my own mistakes, what
He respects my is wife with her BA, MA, just as he did
Both as successful in work, though not expected,
We learn. my BA, MA, Ed S, MFA brought me close
To reaching for the stars, lifting heavy words,
After his great gifts with people, his own great solitude.
