Night and Pain, 3p.m. onto 11p.m

Pain digs starting at three

p.m. I sit divided between day

Night division into 11p.m.

This knife, or razor cut

Into lips, then cheeks, tongue

Wagging free for reasons no

One knows for sure, lake

Of fire this is not, this deformity

Genetic, more, we don’t know

For sure, men but dear Susan

Has it, Ankylosing Spondylitis

Mine will never fuse as hers

Did in spine, mine setteled

Into my neck, for strength

Pain, I have both, Deirdre

Dear, substantial against type

Two diabetes, losing weight

As I did, we come down my last

A1C1 gave me 5.9, and sugar about

Ninety, we glorify in weight loss.

 

I am different, my pain in bones

Crumbling beneath neck skin,

By afternoon full pressure

Of gravity pulling at muscles,

Spinal cord compression, bone

Spurs, left, right, front, back, down

Up, tied around one bone nerve

How that is not real? I don’t

Know,

 

I have gone beyond muscle tied

To head, and now even Tylnol

Large dose spread to three times,

Pain pill alternate four times.

Largest nerve med. into four

Finally I relax into one relaxer.

We avoid opiates unless, best is

Lidocaine patch chest, back

Into measured doses, it works,

I have minimal pain in which

I body scan, using CDs of Jon

Kabat-Zinn,  Zazen entirely

Different than sitting meditation,

Seeking emptiness, another

Wisdom avoiding pain altogether.

Published by elgwyn

I was a University and community college instructor before retiring. I also worked in fast food restaurants, and retail stores. I am an ordinary man writing for because I want to write and because my education prepared me to write; BA English lit, MA English, EdS higher education, and MFA creative writing, free verse poetry and essays. Blogs are an answer to high-priced self-publishing. Walt Whitman had to self-publish his first 1000 copies of the 1855 edition of Leaves of Grass because in 1855 poetry did not sell. Most poets make a living in other ways than writing. Wallace Stevens was an insurance executive, and TS Eliot was a banker. Many writers teach, and always there have been writers who have written because they needed to express their thoughts and feelings. They wrote not necessarily to make money but to express "the old universal truths of the human heart" according to Faulkner. Here I reach a wider audience I missed than by self-publishing, and I stand a better chance to reach a wider audience for less expense than self-publishing. I self-published my first books, Winter from Spring, and Meditations on Gratitude; poetry and photo books which were easier to self-publish than to seek a not to seek a publisher company. This blog allows me to write for an interested audience because I write poetry and personal essays. I write for a friendly audience and present to you a slice of my writing. Perhaps you will enjoy what you read.

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