Why seek the woman of my life?

The answer is simple I love her so much she commands my actions–I asked her this morning, “What can I do to be supportive?” She answered, “Give me some space.” She was quiet about it, and there were actions with our bodies she was so quiet you could hear nothing except our rushed breathing, no moaning, and I do believe as we grow older, she simply allows me some space for myself. I was pretty stupid not have realized that she got no pleasure from my demands about myself, and it was all me, and yesterday she said, “It’s all you. You are just me, me, me.” I have not completely understood until now. She needs space, for she is shy, demure, reticent, even stand offish, and often I don’t realize it. It is not just that I love her, it is that she is so intelligent she rises to every intellectual situation, she thinks through a problem with lightening speed. she can spell impeccably, she has excellent commend of the English language, she thinks through the most convoluted situations, though she is shy, she is always polite to the point of being acceptable with every creed, color, race, or intellect in all people, she is implacably honest; though shy, she is an excellent teacher, and over the years, she has taught me to be honest such that now I can stop myself from being dishonest, she is always there and she cares for me in unusual ways, she is a great cook with simple ingredients or complex ingredients, she knows food as an expert with flavor; ask for a favor, and if it does violate her code of ethics, she’ll find a way, especially for friends, though not a large circle of friends, her friends accept her, she is loyal, overlooking faults, she is demure, her life is filled with quiet acceptance  of everyone except herself, and care for life; she is tolerant, and shed does not walk on water. Though she’s only come close to saying “I loved you.” once in our 38 years together (“Well, I’m here, aren’t I.”) she shows me love in everything she does to and for me because I am disabled; for example, she straightens my back and neck with strong arms explaining my process of standing tall and does not criticize when I can’t maintain posture; she does all the yard work; she cooks all the food, she washes all the dishes and does all the cleanup after meals; she cleans our home from top to bottom clean as a whistle though she drags her feet about this; she does all the wash neatly folds the clothes; she gives me 5 minute warnings before the evening meals, she shows me love in every (tears), and though there is no sex as we grow old together, yes our time for sex is over, I know that’s just alright between us, we sleep together; her passion is for books, edification, and constant learning, I love her deeply, and with full loyalty,  for she has saved my life, for I know that without her, I would have died face down long ago in the gutter, or I would have ended up in long-term confinement;. I love her and despite my severe disabilities she loves me, this I know this to the depth of my soul, and, oh my soul is with her.

Charles meaning (strong man) and Marjorie (meaning pearl) Remacle-Taylor.

Published by elgwyn

I was a University and college writing teacher, now retired, so I write poetry, and essays, mostly free verse poetry. I love writing. Computers, tablets, and smart phones are the norm. When one sees university campuses with students looking at phones while walking to class, one realizes writing can be blogging. I am an ordinary man writing for artistic pleasure writing, and simple taste-- blogs are an answer to high priced self-publishing. Walt Whitman had to print his paper books himself, because in 1855, and 1860 poetry did not sell. It does not sell now unless you have a Pulitzer Prize and even then the poet usually makes a living in other ways than writing. In all ages there have been writers writing out of their own needs, and blogs are an answer to get rid of high cost of self creativity. I am an older man with fewer computer skills than my daughter who has been at computers since she was three, so here I can satisfy my need to write without spending too much on self-published books. All three blogs let me reach an audience missed by books and stand a better chance to reach a wider audience. My two books, Winter from Spring, Meditations on Gratitude, as Kindle books and paperbacks did not reach as many people as I wanted, and blogs can let me avoid the printer. Layout and design is expensive. For me writing is more like the charcoal jottings of preexisting civilization made only for posterity. Blogs face two problems as I see it. They might be submerged into a chaos of too much writing, and they depend on electronic storage. Yet, how's that different from electronic books which must have specialized publication? Paper disintegrates, blogs can be physically stored and organized for posterity in data banks. All organization becomes chaos at some point, but charcoal images on cave walls still exist after the author scribbled eons ago. So what if I reach only a few interested people, but hopefully, readers will reach out to me. Writing is essential for showing the ways of culture before history knows those ways. To record each individual is essential especial for billions of people who need to know enough reading beyond pictures to save a planet. Writing without profit isn't new to me. I'm not seeking to impress the audience. Poetry in general never sells, and personal confessional, and emotional writing exists sometimes like journal writings only for the author. At least here is my hope for wider audiences. My writing is personal and informal, but my writing expresses some serious ideas like the writing of contemporary writers to rise above chaos in my own simple way, above self-absorption, a meditation, the simple writing of an ordinary man. I hope to find my own way out of my own chaos and make my record stand alone if even in electrons. Though I hope never to express nightmare in my poetry, fiction, or essays, some serious considerations are important to me after centuries of mechanized nightmare. The next decade is probably of the same failure in our world. This decade looks to be another time of diminished individuals and the next as well. We all wish peace and hope will become normal. It looks like if hope reaches each individual, not governments there is satisfaction in making means of writing available to many. My hope is for each human being to give their own expression out of the abyss. If humankind is to survive in any common way, we must each be able to express maturity and take responsibility in something beyond self. Electronic media offers people these possibilities so long as computers can store individual lives. Here people can freely see what I write and what others write. Though I hold an MFA in creative writing my simple vision never found a wide audience. I was disappointed about this earlier in my life, but now it's just what one expects of such degrees. I found happiness in family and especially in love of my wife and daughter. Writing can be more than a pastime now that I'm older. I approach seven decades living with some disappointing times, and some satisfying times. I'm like most people, and I've been married more than 37 years, and we sent a successful daughter into the world. We happily live in a country where even the poorest have food. Often as a young man when I traveled for nearly one year through Europe, where does a culture begin to feed and house so many people, and how do all these people live in harmony since World War II? Maybe it's been a question of survival. Writers can hold a little corner with blogging, blogging for harmony and peace. This is my hope. This is my question.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

%d bloggers like this: