I yearn to Be free of Thought!!!

Is it possible to be ever, and forever free of thought? Most would argue it is not possible to be free of thought, “And to know the end is to know the place we started and know the end for the first time.” I admit that I am ignorant of everything beyond eight days from July 11, 2018.  This is the time when I will unveil vision from my cataract surgery. In fact, I do not know what will happen tomorrow because I leave most planning to my wife. Is this wrong? I’m not sure. So, how is one ever free of thinking. I am forever dealing, and this does sound like a card game, with the realities of my little life. One might argue that no life is little, that is all big in our own right, but perhaps the without something like being a true believer, there is nothing. I recall being saved at age seven, and the arguments that would ensue in my adult Sunday school class at First United Methodist Church in Sioux Falls, South Dakota. and now there are no arguments at Hartford United Methodist Church in Hartford, South Dakota.  God is. God was. God ever shall be. For me this is true. I have felt the Power of God just recently as I’ve experienced repentance for the first time. A person might argue that young ones have no experience, and therefore, nothing to repent from. There is the ultimate giving over of the self to become a child of God, and this done through the Love eternal of Jesus Christ, and there is no other way to break the chain of Thought than by accepting that Jesus, free of any crime, a PERFECT man, perhaps the only one ever conceived of woman mother Mary by the Holy Spirit in the name of God, and righteously brought up never to disobey parents or heavenly Father, thereby becoming and being the perfect one, that this is the beginning and the end, the alpha and omaga. We who claim Christianity as the one true path, are we any different than the Muslim so proclaiming Allah as eternal to be worshiped is it three times a day toward Mecca in prayer? Or is it four times a day, or does it matter? The Buddhist claims that Lord Buddha reigns supreme, and this unless one comes from North Asia, or Thailand, or Vietnam. So why does geography play such a role in how, when, and why one worships, and if or what one worships? In Japan, there is an amalgamation of religions, all claiming to be the right way, or away, or any way? Which way makes true repentance, and is true love or Love, or any Love possible? For me, there is this sick feeling today, partially because I am in excruciating pain, so not to talk about it, never to know God the most awful mistake I could make. So sometimes I do know the Grace of God, and sometimes liked tonight I am in horrible pain, where is God? At this moment when my eyeball is being squeezed from its socket, perhaps there is no God or perhaps this proves the reality of God in that I can FEEL, or it is Any of this enough? Why would God exist oh Jesus where are you with this nagging inexcusible pain I cannot ignore intirely through pain tollerance. Yes, how much can I endure?

Charles Taylor C2018

Published by elgwyn

I was a University and college writing teacher, now retired, so I write poetry, and essays, mostly free verse poetry. I love writing. Computers, tablets, and smart phones are the norm. When one sees university campuses with students looking at phones while walking to class, one realizes writing can be blogging. I am an ordinary man writing for artistic pleasure writing, and simple taste-- blogs are an answer to high priced self-publishing. Walt Whitman had to print his paper books himself, because in 1855, and 1860 poetry did not sell. It does not sell now unless you have a Pulitzer Prize and even then the poet usually makes a living in other ways than writing. In all ages there have been writers writing out of their own needs, and blogs are an answer to get rid of high cost of self creativity. I am an older man with fewer computer skills than my daughter who has been at computers since she was three, so here I can satisfy my need to write without spending too much on self-published books. All three blogs let me reach an audience missed by books and stand a better chance to reach a wider audience. My two books, Winter from Spring, Meditations on Gratitude, as Kindle books and paperbacks did not reach as many people as I wanted, and blogs can let me avoid the printer. Layout and design is expensive. For me writing is more like the charcoal jottings of preexisting civilization made only for posterity. Blogs face two problems as I see it. They might be submerged into a chaos of too much writing, and they depend on electronic storage. Yet, how's that different from electronic books which must have specialized publication? Paper disintegrates, blogs can be physically stored and organized for posterity in data banks. All organization becomes chaos at some point, but charcoal images on cave walls still exist after the author scribbled eons ago. So what if I reach only a few interested people, but hopefully, readers will reach out to me. Writing is essential for showing the ways of culture before history knows those ways. To record each individual is essential especial for billions of people who need to know enough reading beyond pictures to save a planet. Writing without profit isn't new to me. I'm not seeking to impress the audience. Poetry in general never sells, and personal confessional, and emotional writing exists sometimes like journal writings only for the author. At least here is my hope for wider audiences. My writing is personal and informal, but my writing expresses some serious ideas like the writing of contemporary writers to rise above chaos in my own simple way, above self-absorption, a meditation, the simple writing of an ordinary man. I hope to find my own way out of my own chaos and make my record stand alone if even in electrons. Though I hope never to express nightmare in my poetry, fiction, or essays, some serious considerations are important to me after centuries of mechanized nightmare. The next decade is probably of the same failure in our world. This decade looks to be another time of diminished individuals and the next as well. We all wish peace and hope will become normal. It looks like if hope reaches each individual, not governments there is satisfaction in making means of writing available to many. My hope is for each human being to give their own expression out of the abyss. If humankind is to survive in any common way, we must each be able to express maturity and take responsibility in something beyond self. Electronic media offers people these possibilities so long as computers can store individual lives. Here people can freely see what I write and what others write. Though I hold an MFA in creative writing my simple vision never found a wide audience. I was disappointed about this earlier in my life, but now it's just what one expects of such degrees. I found happiness in family and especially in love of my wife and daughter. Writing can be more than a pastime now that I'm older. I approach seven decades living with some disappointing times, and some satisfying times. I'm like most people, and I've been married more than 37 years, and we sent a successful daughter into the world. We happily live in a country where even the poorest have food. Often as a young man when I traveled for nearly one year through Europe, where does a culture begin to feed and house so many people, and how do all these people live in harmony since World War II? Maybe it's been a question of survival. Writers can hold a little corner with blogging, blogging for harmony and peace. This is my hope. This is my question.

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